the pires run amok
by HP Hood
Summary: the pires lose their men to the evil people and must recover them immediately or the world could end.


Disclaimer: I do not own any of these characters except the Pires. If I owned Mephisto and Bruce Lee and Lachlan and Don Juan/Johnny Depp, do you think I would share? 

One nice lovely day when the pires (four gloriously beautiful women with lustrous locks and fangs) were sleeping there was an invasion. Now the pires did not notice as they were in their sleeping oh the napping mode so the invaders were able to subdue the planet without too much trouble. Upon waking the pires went on a hunt for man-type things which they were planning on playing "monopoly" with and enjoying themselves much a lot. However all the men on the planet (yes all 32,000,000,987,649 of them) were missing. The pires sat down and were very puzzled because someone had taken the villains as well and nobody really wants the villains do they? So the pires hatched a plot to find more men and "enjoy."

The hooded peanutpire (with her gloriously long locks and luscious lips) was the first to attempt to find more men. She hopped in her mud puddle (a form of transportation I am sure) and went flying off into the forest. After a minute or two she had to land because her mud puddle dried out with repeated use in high winds and sun. So she was now walking. She searched through the forest and the hills and the oceans and the mountains and the stars and the tulips and the cookies and the refrigerator, but all she found was some moldy cheese that did not taste good (as it was molded beyond repair). So she sat down in an ant hill and cried. Meanwhile…

The michellepire had gotten tired of waiting for the hooded peanutpire to return so she hopped in the cement truck of love and wanted to go someplace to find men but the truck was empty of loving so she couldn't move. She was furious and said several nasty things including mushpot and fried chicken, before calming down enough to take alternate transportation in the form of an ostrich that just happened to be handy. Off she rode, then she fell off and in her travels across fen and moor and castles and ditches and churches and shacks she found no men. Sadly…

The juliepire had fallen asleep once more and barely noticed the lack of men in Pire World as the juliepire was stuck on one man (a big no-no in Pire World) and could not remove his oh so sexy eyelashes from her mind. So she dreamt of him instead of searching for him-a ridiculous thing to do in the circumstances but as pires are not very bright it made sense at the time. Onward…

The Terumiwitch was napping oh so slightly when she heard voices deep in the cave that was so hers. She hopped up and grabbing her trusty pick went to investigate. When she walked into the room she was treated to a humiliating display of several thousand amazon women in full battle dress-minus their swords. She laughed and set to, soon reducing the amazons to quivering jello. The Terumiwitch ran out of the cave to call the other pires to come and partake of the jello that was solidifying as we speak. But unfortunately she was side tracked by a skunk that had lost its strips. Anyway…

On the far off moon of Twinkie the men were lamenting their loss of "fun" and were behaving in a most unmanly way. All except for a certain corner where a plan was forming in a very quick manner. Mephisto (see Demon City Shinjuku) was actually laughing at something and so was not looking quite as he usually did. Lachlan (see Everlastin' by Mickee Madden) was very morose and missed swinging on vines. Bruce Lee (need I say more?) was doing his best to look incredibly hot and yet pouty at the same time. And Don Juan (See Don Juan De Marco (Johnny Depp)) was his normal smoldering self. The four hot men had decided to form a resistance group. They called it Save Us Poor Poor Elemental Radicals or SUPPER for short. Their brilliant plan was to blind the guards with their males selves and make a run for it back to the pires. Well this would have worked except the guards were seasoned women who could have taken on 100 males at a time, however Bruce Lee fluttered his eyelashes at one (she fainted, imagine 600 tons of dead weight hitting the floor) and Lachlan looked mysterious (the next guard weighed about 650 tons and shook the room) and Don Juan blinked (next-700 tons) and Mephisto smiled (oh boy the last one dented the floor). However they still had over 300,000,000 women to get by and it seemed hopeless. Just them Mephisto and Lachlan felt the wailing call the of the hooded peanutpire and the michellepire. Desperate to return to the oh so wonderful pires the two men leaped across time and space and found themselves landing in a cold shower. It was a tragic moment as the pires liked men with _hot_ showers, but hey they were back on Pire World so who really cares. The michellepire poofed into existence next to Lachlan and showed him exactly how much she had missed him by treating him (in her bed of course) to the antics of several thousand romance books. He was deliriously happy for many many days. The hooded peanutpire (never one to repeat a performance) grabbed Mephisto and showed him the varying ways one can have "fun" in a bathroom. He was mostly much a lot if pleasured.

Meanwhile back on Twinkie the last half of SUPPER was still trying to figure how they could escape. You see they were in the clutches of the evil Christina who was the leader of the amazon women from the planet of no men. She missed male company for a brief moment and so had set out to conquer Pire World (which seemed to have an over abundance of men-but then she's never seen how fast Pires work) and had succeeded, for the moment. Bruce Lee was staring down at his hands trying to figure out why it was that they could be used to break people's neck and yet he was still a captive. Don Juan was worried about his lack of a mask. Well they suddenly felt a yank and were pulled back to the juliepire and the Terumiwitch. The juliepire took Bruce and "practiced karate" with him until they were both ready to drop and then she "relaxed him." The Terumiwitch grabbed Don Juan and smacked him on the lips good and hard, then she proceeded to "mow the lawn." Well they enjoyed it but the pires were still mad and so it was time for a counsel of war.

The counsel of war:

The michellepire thought that they should teach the amazons a lesson and they should do it quick.

The juliepire agreed and suggested the use of maximum and deadly force-a fight to the finish.

The Terumiwitch absently agreed and thought they should hire some hit men to do the job.

The hooded peanutpire had the brilliant idea of saving their money and doing it with SUPPER's help.

And so SUPPER was brought in as consultants and "consult" they did. The plan to kill the amazons (or defeat Christina in single armed combat) was implemented with the use of deadly force (meaning spinach ice cream) agreed upon. And so they went to Twinkie to exact their revenge.

Unfortunately pires have no sense of direction and got "losted" frequently. So it took a few days before they reached Twinkie. Once their the spinach ice cream was used to great effect scattering the amazons while the pires hinted down Christina and turned her into a nanny on Baby Pire World (she hated kids) the baby pires reformed her into a knitter. And so Mephisto and the hooded peanutpire lived for a while in complete "harmony." Lachlan and the michellepire had their "moments." Bruce Lee and the juliepire were happy "teaching." And Don Juan and the Terumiwitch "redecorated."

THE END-for the moment.


End file.
